Moving Beyond Toxic Relationships: A St. Louis Renaissance

I've come to believe that optimism is our most potent weapon against adversity. For years, St. Louis has been shrouded in a fog of negativity, a weight that's been too heavy to shake. Traveling the world, I've visited communities where smiles are still freely exchanged on the street, compliments are still common, and where hometown pride is synonymous with the culture. While St. Louis isn't the most negative place I've encountered, it has undeniably lost some of its Midwest magic since my younger days, and yet, it remains my home.

Maybe I’m just getting older, no more after-school hide-and-seek and Saturday morning cartoons. Those days were filled with an unforgettable energy; there was a lively buzz of possibility wherever you went. There was always a mall to shop, a rink to skate, or if you’re my age, there was nothing better than the riverfront on a Saturday night. Whether you were just cruising back and forth or parked your car and got out to socialize, every outing was filled with smiling faces and plenty of excitement for the entire family.

Unfortunately, the very assets that once defined St. Louis – its prime location for business, its affordable living, its iconic landmarks, and its inherent optimism – appear to be slipping away. Although the animosity that surrounds us is disheartening, we must refuse to stand by and watch St. Louis decline. I am committed to actively participating in its resurgence, and it is equally critical that others join this effort. We must all take an active role in reclaiming our city's potential, transforming ourselves from passive observers to a driving force in its revitalization.

Frustration and disappointment in our leadership are primary drivers of our apathy. A creeping sense of discouragement takes hold when we lose faith in the wisdom of our leaders and feel helpless in the face of complex political issues. I, like many, grew up believing that people in power were wise and sincere; a naive belief shaped by my parents' expectations of leadership and maybe a little too much television. Our trust that the world was ultimately in good hands led to inaction and silence, even as our communities crumbled all around us. Faced with unanswered questions, those with resources abandon ship, seeking a more secure future elsewhere. The rest of us are left to drown our sorrows and entrust our dreams in whoever runs for office.

Lately, we've been deprived of that comfort. The dubious grifters masquerading as leadership today are revealing themselves to be the root source of the toxic miasma that is suffocating us all out. Their solutions, like a poisoned cure, create more damage than they repair. They trade in nostalgia, offering empty promises of past solidarity instead of addressing any current issues that affect us today. It's a spectacle of self-deception that we keep signing up for. We've settled for leaders who bask in the shadows of those who risked their lives, yet personally won't even risk their elected positions for fear of being disliked on social media.

Toxic leadership is easily identified by its desperate, urgent campaigns, fueled by hateful rhetoric. This manufactured urgency is a deliberate tactic, designed to manipulate emotions, control opinions, and direct actions. Many feel manipulated and confused, leading to voter apathy and some refusing to vote at all. This abhorrent vacuum creates an opportunity for grifters, who, if elected, see politics as a means to power without accountability.

History teaches us that our leaders don't need to be perfect, but they must be genuine. We need leaders who move us forward without race-baiting and empty pageantry. The struggling among us are truly not concerned with campaigns or empty promises, only the results. While we all want leaders who reflect our heritage, cultural understanding is secondary to competence when lives are on the line. The people I know that are in survival mode are not concerned with whether the EMS team celebrates Kwanzaa or Hanukkah, just as long as when they arrive on the scene, they are there to save lives. Politicians routinely exploit cultural alignment to win votes, then quickly obstruct transparency for personal gain and cronyism over community development.

So, how do we rekindle growth and optimism? First, we must break free from dysfunctional ties that bind us to bind us to toxic relationships and start holding our leadership accountable. We can see from the White House what blind loyalty leads to and how a cult of personality at best can only bring diminishing returns. Even if you feel deeply connected to someone who needs to be held accountable, understand that if they are truly sincere, they can still find ways to contribute to progress– it just may not be from elected office. 

Recently, I've had inspiring interactions with two individuals who have helped to reignite my belief in St. Louis: Wesley Bell and Cara Spencer. Although everyone talks a good game when they are on the campaign trail, with these two I have had the distinct pleasure of getting to know them both outside of politics and it has been their actions, more than their words, have renewed my optimism.

These two have accepted that it is not enough to just complain and point fingers you gotta get involved. You must endure the name calling and fake bullying for the larger goal of being a part of what changes things for the better. Unlike so many before them who have articulated the problem but failed to correct the issues, my youthful optimism has been reignited by what I have seen them do more than what I have heard them say, and for that alone, I am finding more reasons to stay, to invest, to believe again.

Wesley Bell, during his congressional campaign, visited my community and showed genuine interest getting involved. We spent hours touring the neighborhood and discussing how we could work together and divide the workload for the issues at hand, which ranged from housing to homelessness. Although the conversation was exciting, I didn't think much of it because, after all, he was on the campaign trail. However, weeks after his election, he reached out, eager to see how he could help now that he was truly in a position to do so. Even though he owed me nothing, he kept his word and showed that he genuinely wanted to help by assigning a staff member to our project which is finally leading to some very promising opportunities for employment and affordable housing.

Cara Spencer, whom I met during her first mayoral run, has also proven her commitment and dedication. Four years ago, both she and the incumbent stood in my office pitching their platforms, but after the election, it was only Cara who remained true to her word. Cara, who was neither Mayor nor my Alderperson, began actively working to use her connections to try and help my project become successful. Initially, she asked me to serve on a board of directors for a non-profit centered around renewable energy. This was an excellent opportunity because it provided the communities north of Delmar with a literal seat at the table when it came to policy issues such as pollution, waste, and energy usage in old

and how the costs are passed on to the tenants who inhabit them. She didn’t stop there; she continued connecting me with investors, contractors, and even bankers, and not because she was looking to get anything out of it, but because she believes in St. Louis.

Our shared conviction that St. Louis deserves a resurgence unites my alliances with Cara Spencer and Congressman Bell, transcending our diverse backgrounds. As a lifelong resident, after nearly a decade facing opposition to community progress, I sense a shift, a renewed excitement for our city's future. This optimism, unexpectedly born from the collaboration of individuals committed to the same path of community service that I am, fuels my belief that St. Louis is still a town worth fighting for and a renaissance is on its way.